Quiver

Quiver- verb- A slight trembling movement or sound, especially one caused by a sudden strong emotion.

I stood in the middle of my living room, lip quivering and eyes blinking hard to hold back the tears. I thought to myself, "Get it together, Kate!  You're an adult for goodness' sake!"  A few seconds and a couple of deep breaths later, I had calmed down enough to return to the project I had been working on, but the emotion of that moment stuck with me for a while longer.

I like to think I'm "big and bad" in trying times, meaning that I have control over any situation and can handle any problems that come my way in a cool, calm, and collected manner.  I like to think that in difficult situations, I always act like I did last Wednesday.  That day I had clients angry at me, the regional education director wanting to know why we hadn't started utilizing our new lesson plans, project managers pressuring me to finish a project I had no control over, and the new trainee playing "Twenty-One Hundred Questions" with me.  Oh, and I was having a bad hair day and my shoe was starting to fall apart.

But it all ended up being just fine- the clients may not have left happy, but they were treated politely and fairly in a timely manner.  My director was accepting of the reasons why we hadn't started the new lessons and left the clinic smiling.  The project manager and I reached an understanding as to what I needed before I could finish my part of the project, and the new trainee ended up following another co-worker.  My cute new headband took care of the bad hair day and a piece of Scotch tape fixed the shoe long enough for me to make it through the day.

With that said, what I want isn't always what I get, and how I think I should act isn't always what happens!  Monday was a stressful day at work- we had no electricity, internet, or phones when I got to work and my car battery died and needed replaced when I left work.  I handled the work problems professionally, but broke down and cried when it came to the car.  I was emotionally spent by the time I got home and sat down to dinner.

More frazzled than ever at this point, I was sitting at the computer and trying to focus on an article I was writing, when all of the sudden a loud boom sounded directly over my head.  My new neighbor, whose existence I kept forgetting, had dropped something on the floor.  The loud noise, coupled with inattention to my surroundings, startled me so much that I jumped out of my chair, screamed, and ran into the living room.  That's why I was standing in the middle of the room fighting back tears.  After the shock wore off, I was so mad at my reaction that I was no longer crying from fear, but from frustration.

The latter is an example what typically happens when I come up against conflict, fear, or frustration- a quivering lip, followed by a flood of emotions.  It's a maddening process.  Thankfully, with some prayer and persistence, I'm starting to skew towards a more calm approach to trials and tribulations, as well as being able to accept my shortcomings and laugh at myself more.  (It's a slow transition, to be sure!)  By bedtime Monday, I was laughing at my reaction and I had even shared the incident with my sister, who also laughed at me!

For the time being, I'll settle for a happy medium- like Wednesday night.  After my marathon day at work, I came home to an eerily dark and still apartment.  Turns out my building had been directly struck by lighting and had tripped the main breaker to my apartment.  After consulting with my neighbors, I called the office and waited for maintenance to come help, all the while bemoaning the fact that I'd have to spend my ENTIRE day off working with State Farm to file a claim for my damaged electronics after I got rid of all the spoiled food in my fridge and freezer.   I was mostly calm, with just a little bit of doom and gloom.  As it turned out, with one flip of a switch our maintenance worker restored power to my apartment and the food and electronics were all just fine.

As we draw to a close today, I would like to convey well wishes to my maternal unit.  Since it's been raining most of the afternoon, I've been thinking back to a Mother's Day about ten years ago.  We had been enjoying our tent, but due to some heavy rains it had become inundated with water.  We crammed ten people into a friend's camper for the night in order for my family to escape the flood.  The next morning, all ten of us went to brunch at a local restaurant.  Unshowered and wearing our slightly damp and grungy camping clothes, we sure were a sight against all of the moms in their floral print Sunday best! Ah memories!