Note: While I generally write about things that have piqued my interest in the last day or ten, today I noticed that I have about twenty unfinished posts for this blog. Starting today and continuing until I remember to finish and post all of the drafts, The Rambling Buckeye will take a scary trip down memory lane and try to remember what Kate was thinking about at that moment in time. This first post was written in January of this year.
I've been reading a lot about buying homes lately. Everything from how to find a buyer's agent to pre-qualifying to closing costs- I want to know about it. One interesting tidbit I came across recently was a suggestion to ask the seller for a list of "quirks" that are unique to the house. As I grow more and more aware of the "quirks" of my current dwelling, I have taken to writing them down, and will now share with you.
Dear Future Tenant,
1.) If you don't enjoy cool, arctic breezes flowing through your home in mid-January, you absolutely MUST wrap each window in plastic.
2.) You must also have two rolls of packaging tape on the ready so you can reinforce the plastic when your handiwork is unsealed any time the wind gusts more than 15 mph. It will happen. (Update: Forget packaging tape. Not only is it useless against the wind, you are also wasting materials that could help you GET OUT! Go straight for the duct tape.)
3.) Any water spigot with a red handle has an equal chance of being the hot or cold water main. Also, the bathtub faucet is backwards.
4.) Are you sure the front door is shut and latched? You'd better check again. Again- we're talking 50-50 odds here. (Update: ever since that last big thaw, the door has been sticking. Go ahead and give it a big shove. If it breaks, I'm sure they'll try to fix it with a blowtorch.)
5.) If you want to have fun some Friday night, just get a level and check the floors in the house.
6.) The mice here are sneaky bastards. (Update: This includes their penchant for dying while you're out of the house for an extended period of time)
7.) The south room offers the best view of the gas station, aka "Dinner and a Show." (Update: Today I figured out I have a great vantage point for shooting paint balls at Speedway customers who park in my driveway out of laziness)
8.) Each room has at least one floorboard with a decent sized crack in it. If you're careful, you'll never have to use a dustpan.
9.) If the bottom half of the house is unoccupied during the winter, be prepared to either offer your firstborn as a sacrifice to AEP or buy every article of fleece clothing you can find and hibernate for the winter. There are no other choices.
10.) Even though the cold water pipe to the washer is insulated and wrapped in heat tape- it will freeze anytime the temperature is below 10°. Also, don't even bother with the space heater. All it does is raise your energy bill and would start a fire in the only room that offers an easy exit to safety.
11.) If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: The only door that shuts properly is the closet door in the south room. The only door in a house with nine.
12.) Yes, that door leads to the attic. No, I don't know what's up there. No, I will not go up there with you.
13.) If you haven't signed on the dotted line, there's still time.
Signed,
She Who Did Not Do Her Research
(aka, She Who Waited Until the Last Minute to Find Housing in a Rural Area)
