I found a frog today. I like frogs. I was afraid I had killed this particular frog with the lawn mower, so when I found that it was still alive, I picked it up and trekked back to the house to show the family. Now, about halfway back I questioned this act, as it would seem that I am a little too old to be showing off common wildlife to my parents. I justified my actions and, as a result, I created the following quiz to help you avoid confusion and determine if you are, in fact, too old to show off a frog (or any other fun wildlife) the next time you find one:
1.) Are you over the age of 13?
a.) Yes --> proceed to question 2.
b.) No. --> everyone thinks a kid showing off a frog they caught by themselves is cute. You're good.
2.) Have you ever caught a frog before?
a.) Yes --> proceed to question 3
b.) No. --> you have accomplished one of life's greatest feats. You're good.
3.) Have frogs been seen or captured on this property before?
a.) Yes --> proceed to question 4
b.) No. --> you found a new species of animals living on your land. You're good.
4.) Are you a professional, unfazed when the frog inevitably leaps from your hands and nearly gets loose?
a.) Yes --> proceed to question 5
b.) No --> shout ahead to the group as you approach, and make sure someone has a camera as you scream like a little girl when the frog escapes your grasp. You're good.
5.) Is the sum of the digits of your age more than 13? (Ex. I am 26. 2+6=8)
a.) Yes --> Take that frog back to the house. If you're that old, there's a good chance you have kids or grandkids who would appreciate the sight. Even if you don't, all of your family members who are at/around your age will be impressed you didn't break anything as you caught said frog.
b.) No--> You can say the sum is your "young at heart age," and since it's less than 13, you're good.
In case you didn't notice, there is no reason why you should not show off when you catch a frog.
Have a wonderful Easter, and enjoy this beautiful day!
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Ya'll Make it Look So Simple
A few weeks ago, my boss stuck his head in the door to my office and asked, "You still up for going to 4-H out at West?" Despite the cackles coming from my co-workers, I heartily agreed. I love 4-H. I think all kids should have the opportunity to participate in 4-H if they so desire. I am convinced that the only reason I have this job today is because I was in 4-H as a kid. Obviously, I had to say yes.
Now, after school 4-H is not quite like regular 4-H; at least not here anyways. Instead of choosing individual projects, we take a STEM-based activity that was created by the 4-H educators in the state and let the kids play around with the experiment while they learn the math and science concepts behind it.
Yesterday was my second week of after school 4-H. The first week went wonderfully well- after all, we had a small group and an fun, yet simple experiment. The kids finished their activity and went off to play outside, all inside twenty minutes. "I can do this," I thought to myself. I still didn't know what my other co-workers were complaining about. Now I know.
The first sign of trouble was when ten little urchins ran into my room, all ready and eager to build "roller coasters" out of pipe insulation and tape. What happened next made me realize just how simple parents and teachers make their jobs look to people on the outside. Here are my top 5 "Ya'll Make it Look So Simple" moments:
1.) Teachers make it look so simple to keep twenty kids under control. I had eight (two ran out of the room before we even started), and between hearing "I NEED MORE TAPE!" "Come watch my roller coaster," "Why won't my roller coaster work," and "Hey, can I go outside now?" I never stopped spinning.
2.) Parents make it look so simple to keep the peace. While 75% of my kids worked together to build their roller coaster, the other 25% tried to turn construction into a full-on political debate, complete with name calling and ridiculous facial expressions in response to the other kid's statements. Oh, and it's really hard to referee a debate when you have to keep getting people MORE TAPE.
3.) Teachers and parents make imparting knowledge look easy. The point of today's lesson was to get the kids to think about energy, inertia, friction, gravity- all those physics things on which I have a VERY, VERY loose grasp. So as I attempted to explain these terms on a second grade level, I was still met with blank stares. Of course, my explanations were interrupted with demands for MORE TAPE, so I could have left out a few key points, I'm not sure. Thankfully, everyone knew what was happening by the end of the session.
4.) Parents and teachers make reasoning with young ones look easy. Let me just say that eight kids, marbles, pipe insulation, and MORE TAPE does not make for a small mess. Trying to convince eight kids that just because they didn't make that particular mess doesn't mean they can't clean up that mess seems to be next to impossible unless you have the ability to lock them in a room.
5.) Parents and teachers make patience look easy. Sometimes MORE TAPE doesn't mean that your roller coaster will work properly (especially when you try to construct the most complex track layout known to the pipe insulation roller coaster world and there's not one starting point to get your marble moving...) and you have to give just a little extra help to make everything okay again. After five minutes of trying to convince a student that MORE TAPE wasn't going to help the situation, we finally got the marble to roll through enough of the roller coaster for the project to be deemed a success. And then they left. And then I had MORE TAPE to clean off the counters and chairs and and and where are the marbles?!
The moral of this story is, I don't know how you all make it look so simple, and I am not eager to find out any time soon. WIC cured me of ever wanting to be pregnant and have babies under six months of age or anything with the designation of "toddler." After school 4-H has cured me of ever wanting a large family or being a grade school teacher. Also, I am cured of ever thinking tape is a viable solution for any problem. That includes duct tape. The end.
Now, after school 4-H is not quite like regular 4-H; at least not here anyways. Instead of choosing individual projects, we take a STEM-based activity that was created by the 4-H educators in the state and let the kids play around with the experiment while they learn the math and science concepts behind it.
Yesterday was my second week of after school 4-H. The first week went wonderfully well- after all, we had a small group and an fun, yet simple experiment. The kids finished their activity and went off to play outside, all inside twenty minutes. "I can do this," I thought to myself. I still didn't know what my other co-workers were complaining about. Now I know.
The first sign of trouble was when ten little urchins ran into my room, all ready and eager to build "roller coasters" out of pipe insulation and tape. What happened next made me realize just how simple parents and teachers make their jobs look to people on the outside. Here are my top 5 "Ya'll Make it Look So Simple" moments:
1.) Teachers make it look so simple to keep twenty kids under control. I had eight (two ran out of the room before we even started), and between hearing "I NEED MORE TAPE!" "Come watch my roller coaster," "Why won't my roller coaster work," and "Hey, can I go outside now?" I never stopped spinning.
2.) Parents make it look so simple to keep the peace. While 75% of my kids worked together to build their roller coaster, the other 25% tried to turn construction into a full-on political debate, complete with name calling and ridiculous facial expressions in response to the other kid's statements. Oh, and it's really hard to referee a debate when you have to keep getting people MORE TAPE.
3.) Teachers and parents make imparting knowledge look easy. The point of today's lesson was to get the kids to think about energy, inertia, friction, gravity- all those physics things on which I have a VERY, VERY loose grasp. So as I attempted to explain these terms on a second grade level, I was still met with blank stares. Of course, my explanations were interrupted with demands for MORE TAPE, so I could have left out a few key points, I'm not sure. Thankfully, everyone knew what was happening by the end of the session.
4.) Parents and teachers make reasoning with young ones look easy. Let me just say that eight kids, marbles, pipe insulation, and MORE TAPE does not make for a small mess. Trying to convince eight kids that just because they didn't make that particular mess doesn't mean they can't clean up that mess seems to be next to impossible unless you have the ability to lock them in a room.
5.) Parents and teachers make patience look easy. Sometimes MORE TAPE doesn't mean that your roller coaster will work properly (especially when you try to construct the most complex track layout known to the pipe insulation roller coaster world and there's not one starting point to get your marble moving...) and you have to give just a little extra help to make everything okay again. After five minutes of trying to convince a student that MORE TAPE wasn't going to help the situation, we finally got the marble to roll through enough of the roller coaster for the project to be deemed a success. And then they left. And then I had MORE TAPE to clean off the counters and chairs and and and where are the marbles?!
The moral of this story is, I don't know how you all make it look so simple, and I am not eager to find out any time soon. WIC cured me of ever wanting to be pregnant and have babies under six months of age or anything with the designation of "toddler." After school 4-H has cured me of ever wanting a large family or being a grade school teacher. Also, I am cured of ever thinking tape is a viable solution for any problem. That includes duct tape. The end.
Monday, April 7, 2014
The last four weeks...
"Oh my gosh. I'm so weak. I don't think I can push this weight any higher..." Thankfully, I go to the gym around 8:00 p.m., otherwise I'd have had a gym full of fitness buffs watching me fail instead of just the married couple and the two random chicks who are usually at the gym the same time as me each night.
Back in the middle of February, I found myself stuck inside on yet another sub-zero night. I sat on my bed and looked at the clock on my computer before sighing. "Ugh, another day wasted." Another day had gone by where I went to work, came home, ate dinner, and then wasted my night watching Netflix while I surfed the internet. It was that same night that I decided that I was going to find a way to get to know my community, make friends with the people in my community, and basically just get myself out of the house more than, well, no nights each week.
Some of the activities I have chosen have been purely for pleasure: I went on a "night hike" at a local MetroPark, where I got to watch beavers and see wood frogs, which can survive being frozen solid throughout the winter. True story. Some of my endeavors serve the greater good: I have volunteered twice at the local food bank packing boxes for a supplemental food program. Last week I moved 1,500 lbs of beans in under three hours! Still other ventures are borderline torture: I joined the gym. This is where my spectacular display of weakness occurred a few weeks ago.
After two weeks of simply using the elliptical and treadmill, I decided to start playing around with the weight machines. Women have weaker upper body strength, right? Well, that might be the case now, but I was going to make sure that I wasn't just another statistic. (Have I ever explained to you that my pride will eventually be my downfall? It will be.)
So there I was, machine number one. Pretty easy, just pull down on a bar that has a couple of weights attached to the other end of the pulley. Damn. I'm pretty strong. I'm pulling like, 25 lbs, and I haven't worked out since I left Martin's Creek. I'm pretty awesome. Ten reps finished (ladies and gents, I realize how lame these initial workouts were. Remember, I have a pride problem). On to the next machine, which is kinda like a rowing machine. Another 25 lbs, another ten reps done. I am so strong. I can see my muscles moving under my shirt sleeve as I work with the weights. I'm going to have superior upper body strength in no time.
Last machine. Lifting weight over my head? You got it. Especially since they're not free weights, I have all the confidence in the world. WEAK! SO WEAK! What? This is only 12.5 lbs? My muscles are screaming for mercy. Forget ten, five reps is really all I need to do, right? I'll probably tear my rotator cuff, just like everyone in my mom's family if I keep this up. WEAK! SO WEAK! What is that only number two? What the heck? WEAK! SO WEAK! I am going to have to take all the aspirin when I get home if I want to be able to move tomorrow. WEAK! SO WEAK! Okay, one more. Just one...WEAK! SO VERY WEAK!
I let the weight rest gently in the start position and got up to clean up the machine. Now sore and slightly embarrassed, I glance around the room. Nope, everyone seems to be engrossed with Dancing With the Stars. I'm safe from their laughter tonight. Phew.
Now, four more weeks have passed and I'm slightly less weak than when I joined the gym. But if you're ever in Logan and want to see a comedy show, come watch me not be able to lift weights over my head. I promise it'll be one of the most hilarious things you've seen in a long time!
P.S.- Sheryl- But dontcha know, that it hurts me so, to say goodbyyyyyye to yoooooouuuuu? Wish I didn't have to go, no no no noooooooooooooooooo (You're welcome)
Back in the middle of February, I found myself stuck inside on yet another sub-zero night. I sat on my bed and looked at the clock on my computer before sighing. "Ugh, another day wasted." Another day had gone by where I went to work, came home, ate dinner, and then wasted my night watching Netflix while I surfed the internet. It was that same night that I decided that I was going to find a way to get to know my community, make friends with the people in my community, and basically just get myself out of the house more than, well, no nights each week.
Some of the activities I have chosen have been purely for pleasure: I went on a "night hike" at a local MetroPark, where I got to watch beavers and see wood frogs, which can survive being frozen solid throughout the winter. True story. Some of my endeavors serve the greater good: I have volunteered twice at the local food bank packing boxes for a supplemental food program. Last week I moved 1,500 lbs of beans in under three hours! Still other ventures are borderline torture: I joined the gym. This is where my spectacular display of weakness occurred a few weeks ago.
After two weeks of simply using the elliptical and treadmill, I decided to start playing around with the weight machines. Women have weaker upper body strength, right? Well, that might be the case now, but I was going to make sure that I wasn't just another statistic. (Have I ever explained to you that my pride will eventually be my downfall? It will be.)
So there I was, machine number one. Pretty easy, just pull down on a bar that has a couple of weights attached to the other end of the pulley. Damn. I'm pretty strong. I'm pulling like, 25 lbs, and I haven't worked out since I left Martin's Creek. I'm pretty awesome. Ten reps finished (ladies and gents, I realize how lame these initial workouts were. Remember, I have a pride problem). On to the next machine, which is kinda like a rowing machine. Another 25 lbs, another ten reps done. I am so strong. I can see my muscles moving under my shirt sleeve as I work with the weights. I'm going to have superior upper body strength in no time.
Last machine. Lifting weight over my head? You got it. Especially since they're not free weights, I have all the confidence in the world. WEAK! SO WEAK! What? This is only 12.5 lbs? My muscles are screaming for mercy. Forget ten, five reps is really all I need to do, right? I'll probably tear my rotator cuff, just like everyone in my mom's family if I keep this up. WEAK! SO WEAK! What is that only number two? What the heck? WEAK! SO WEAK! I am going to have to take all the aspirin when I get home if I want to be able to move tomorrow. WEAK! SO WEAK! Okay, one more. Just one...WEAK! SO VERY WEAK!
I let the weight rest gently in the start position and got up to clean up the machine. Now sore and slightly embarrassed, I glance around the room. Nope, everyone seems to be engrossed with Dancing With the Stars. I'm safe from their laughter tonight. Phew.
Now, four more weeks have passed and I'm slightly less weak than when I joined the gym. But if you're ever in Logan and want to see a comedy show, come watch me not be able to lift weights over my head. I promise it'll be one of the most hilarious things you've seen in a long time!
P.S.- Sheryl- But dontcha know, that it hurts me so, to say goodbyyyyyye to yoooooouuuuu? Wish I didn't have to go, no no no noooooooooooooooooo (You're welcome)
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