Misery

Misery- noun- pain, physical or mental.

I laid there, eyes wide open, contemplating my next move.  If I moved to the right, I "knew" I would suffocate.  If I moved to the left, the pain of a thousand knives stabbing my flesh would flood my body.  I cried out, only to hear a low croak emitting from my mouth.  This wasn't a nightmare, this was reality.

Twenty-four hours later, I lay on a table, doing my best to breath evenly as a third vein in my arm was being punctured.    This time, my throat felt like it was closing up on me and I was experiencing that pain of a thousand knives again.  Again, this was reality.

So what the heck was going on? What kind of craziness was I getting myself into?  Honestly, it was nothing more than me just being a very over dramatic sick person.

It all started off with a sore throat.  While I've had increased run-ins with colds and whatnot since I've moved here, whatever malady comes my way usually resolves itself within a day or so and I'm only sad and unhappy for a short time.  But this sore throat/cold had plagued me for several days (of course while my family was visiting and we were going to all kind of beautiful places!) and finally got worse.  Friday night, if I tried to lay on my stomach (moving to the right from my side sleeping position!), the congestion would quickly become so bad that I would have to move again if I wanted to continue breathing.  Twenty-four hours later, my tonsils were so swollen that if felt like they were overtaking my entire mouth.

As for those thousand knives, those are all my fault.  Friday was beach day, so we took a trip to beautiful Beachwalker County Park on Kiawah Island.  Being an intelligent adult, I applied sunscreen before we got to the beach.  Being unintelligent, I waded in the water with my aunt, took turns trying out my body board with my cousin, and then laid in the sun while I read an entire magazine, all without ever reapplying sunscreen.  By the time we left, I was a little annoyed at what I thought was saltwater stinging my legs.  As it turns out, it wasn't saltwater as much as it was serious burns on the backs of my leg and my upper back.  That night, to turn left from my side sleeping position would cause ridiculous amounts of pain as my body protested the feeling of sheets against my legs.

The low croak was probably the best part of the story.  Anymore, I lose my voice so quickly when I get sick.   So even though I wanted to cry out in pain that night, all that came out was a sound that could probably be described as "effeminate Wookie."  The best moment was when my dog ran by me, full of enthusiasm, only to strike me with his very, very strong tail.  I full-out screamed in pain, but all that came out was a short, pathetic, "ugh."  I started laughing at myself, only to find that now, no sound was coming out at all.  I probably stood there for thirty seconds, looking like I was stroking out as my body shook with silent laughter.

The official diagnosis today at the doctor's was, "Your strep test came back negative, but you have all the symptoms, so here's a z-pack, go have some antibiotics."  After the initial strep test came back negative, they wanted to rule out mono, so new Medical Assistant tried unsuccessfully, twice, to get blood out of me. Finally the more experienced tech came in and was successful in obtaining a testing sample, so I only have three holes in my arms right now.

So here I am, sitting on my couch on this fine Sunday afternoon, still unhappy with the situation and cursing my decision to not buy Popsicles and chicken noodle soup when I was at the store.  I demand that someone come to my house and take care of me until I no longer feel sick.  I don't care if you have to drive 700 miles to get here, I just need you to come here and cook, clean, and entertain for the next five days until I am no longer in misery.  Thank you in advance for your sacrifice.

In all seriousness though, I am hopefully on the mend.  I am hoping my double dose of antibiotics works some magic here in the next several hours (remember that episode of the Magic School Bus where they learn about viruses and whatnot? I am envisioning that!)  Have a wonderful Sunday evening, and remember your sunscreen.  Always remember your sunscreen!