Divine

Divine- adj- of, relating to, or proceeding directly from God.

I left church yesterday in a mess of tears.  I couldn't help it.

Now, I am an ugly crier, and therefore I do my best to not cry.  But when I do cry it's usually for one of several reasons: 1.) I am tired/frustrated and something overly emotional happened.  2.) I have been physically hurt.  3.) Something sad has happened or 4.) I have been embarrassed in some way.  These are the main reasons I cry, but every once in a blue moon, I am struck by something so wonderful that I process the emotion through tears and I break down, and that's what happened yesterday.  It was a beautiful sight.  Ha.

Anyways...Yesterday started out like any other Sunday.  Me trying to get a few extra minutes of sleep in, only to rush to church, only to remember that we never start on time.  My Sunday School class has been reading through The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.  I find this book to contain some deep material and, even though I think I'm a pretty smart person, a lot of the material just went over my head prior to this class.  I wondered what I would learn from this book when I joined the class back in September.  To keep it brief, let's just say that I've been amazed at how pertinent the information is to my own life.  Some weeks I leave thinking, "Well, that's good general knowledge to have, I guess, " but most of the time, I have taken away some very important lessons.  We've covered everything from what it means to "become" a Christian to what qualities display outward signs that we are Christians, and from gluttony to marriage and relationships.  I've been making a few changes in my life, many of them small to this point, but they have all been inspired by the conviction I have felt while learning these lessons. 

Following the class, I usually head over to the main worship ceremony.  I'll skip over all the little details that I like about how Crossroads does it's worship, and just move on to the main part of yesterday.  We had been traveling our way through the book of Philippians, before our pastor and elders felt that we should be discussing other material.  So Philippians is on the back burner for the time being, and we've been discussing different things mainly relating to us being a light to the world.  This Sunday covered the story about the Good Samaritan.  Talk about a typical Sunday School story that you could recite in your sleep.  This Sunday lesson wasn't much different.  We talked about the traveler in the story being a "marginal" person, one on the outside, one who most of us would probably look over.  Again, pretty routine stuff.  For a few minutes, anyways.

As part of what we've been learning, we've been asked to be intentional in showing our "light" to others.  For the last week I have been lamenting the fact that I seem to have very few opportunities to go out of my way to be intentionally kind to others, and this sermon seemed to add some misery.  I didn't know any "marginal" people I could help, and I didn't think I was going to look for them.  Then, suddenly in the service, I was alert and focused.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I wasn't getting any opportunities to be kind because I wasn't looking for them, even though I had a huge opportunity in the form of my workplace!  I like a lot of my clients- the ones who think like I do and behave like I do.  But I have always had a problem with "the marginal."  The ones whose actions I didn't understand, who didn't seem to be living a life directed by God, or even common sense.  I tended to not do much more than the basic requirements when I was with these people.

I was, and still sometimes do, complain about all of the ridiculousness I put up with at work because of them.  But in that moment, I was able to see a clear opportunity staring me down: I might not be paying for any stays in an inn, I might not be bandaging any physical wounds, but I could go out of my way to be intentionally kind to everyone- to be a genuine smile, to be the calm spirit, to be a pair of listening ears.  This is where I can show kindness and love. It's not going to be easy, for sure, but it is a challenge I intend to meet.

Even for as cool as I thought this all was, the crying started when all the good stuff bubbled over just a few minutes later.  For some reason, the pastor felt compelled to share a story about a man saving a father and daughter from a burning car.  Not that the story wouldn't have been touching enough, but the main characters were three people in the church who I know to be exceptional men and women.  As I teared up a little over the amazing details of this story (a story for another day), the woman beside me, a person I don't know, decided to be comforting and put her arm around me.  Now, people my age seem to be remiss to share "mushy" feelings with others their age, but she leaned over anyways and said, "I can't let you leave today without telling you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made."  Here's where I lost it for real, because for a good portion of my time at work over the last month, I have been wondering why I was even here.  In my mind, I wasn't as smart as one, as kind as another, not as analytical as I could be.  But here I was, with a total stranger speaking words that had to have come from God, telling me that even when I don't feel like it, I do possess the special gifts that allow me to not only operate successfully in my current capacity at WIC, but also to be a person with a purpose in my day-to-day life. 

If this were a one-time occasion, I'd probably be happy.  I'd be spiritually full for a long time.  But this isn't an unusual occurrence (save tears) since I've been at Crossroads.  Long before I moved down here, I prayed that I would find out where I needed to go in life.  South Carolina seemed like the place to me and I always said it was because I liked the scenery, I liked the weather, just because, etc.  But today, even with the work experience I've gained and the new friendships I've made, I would say with certainty that one of the reasons everything has aligned to bring me to Summerville, SC was so that I would be brought to Crossroads- to meet some incredible people at an incredible place in history.  I've been trying to finish this paragraph for the last half an hour now, and it's ridiculously hard to find the words to describe the depths of my feelings for this place. 

Enough mushy time!  I'm probably breaking rules by writing this at work, but this is my time waster in between clients.  I probably need to be dry-eyed when my co-worker comes around with my chart, so I'm going to take this chance to say adios, before I get happy tears again.  Have a wonderful day!