Conflicted

Conflicted- adj.- confused or ambivalent because of competing desires, possibilities, or impulses.

Friday morning, I received two texts with pictures of single digits on a temperature gauge, one picture of an icy drive to work, and a picture of my dad all bundled up for work.  Honestly, with each text/picture message, I felt a slight twinge of jealousy.  I imagined being back in Ohio.  If I was at home, I would love nothing more than to be curled up on the couch with a warm blanket, Kitty as a foot warmer, and a good book.  I would glance up every once in awhile and see the blowing snow and sigh contentedly, reveling in the warmth of my house.  If I was heading to work, I'd be wrapped up in my warm winter coat, taking on the challenges of driving in snowy conditions.  After a determined drive in, I'd be proud of myself for navigating over the hilly roadside.  I'd love it.

But I was conflicted...as soon as I thought about how nice it would be to have snow again, I thought about the warmth that we've had down here the last few weeks.  Going outside in mild temperatures, feeling the sun on my face, enjoying the fresh air drifting through my open apartment windows...definitely no Seasonal Affective Disorder here.  I have a distinct memory of sitting in the Schrank South computer lab at UA, realizing that my mood had improved greatly just by looking at pictures of sunny South Carolina.  This is why I moved down here, and I love it.

Last night and today, I have been talking with a few of my friends from Ohio, as well as my mom and my aunts.  With each conversation, I thought about how much I missed being near them, and being able to talk face to face, rather than communicating via Facebook, text, and brief phone conversations.

But I was conflicted.  You see, today I got to spend time at a budgeting seminar at church.  Whoa, you say.  Stop having so much fun Kate!  But actually, I did have a good time.  I was fortunate to be able to see Tracy, the education minister who has been leading an awesome study of The Screwtape Letters with my Young Adult class.  I got to sit with Kim, someone I've known only a few months, but who I've come to know as a great person that I enjoy being around.  As much as I was boo-hooing the fact that I wasn't in Ohio, I couldn't help but think about all the great people I wouldn't know, and all the great learning experiences I would have missed by living down here.

WIC is under USDA in terms of government hierarchy.  Recently, they came up with a few new mandates that basically create longer, less desirable working hours without any type of compensation for the extra time we'd be spending in the wonderful world of WIC.  Now, in reality, we all still have jobs and we don't have it all that bad, but still, no one likes these kinds of changes.  In the initial moment of shock, we all made statements about "looking around" for other jobs.

I don't even know why I'm putting this in here.  I'm not really conflicted here.  I need a job and this one pays enough to cover the bills and whatnot.  I guess I'm putting it down in the blog because we talked about how hard it would be to leave, knowing that it would be hard to find any other jobs that offer a decent number of holidays, paid vacation days, and sick days, making it hard to decide to leave.  By Monday, the shock will have worn off, but hang around until Saturday, April 21st.  We're going to be on Day 6 of that work week, and I'm sure we'll be less than cordial to each other or our co-workers.  But, c'est la vie, right?

Anyways, my next conflicting moment is fast approaching: Should I clean the apartment, or sit here, enjoying the sound and smell of rain, while watching some Community.  (Sometimes it makes me wish I was at Wayne again!)