Divine

Divine- adj- of, relating to, or proceeding directly from God.

I left church yesterday in a mess of tears.  I couldn't help it.

Now, I am an ugly crier, and therefore I do my best to not cry.  But when I do cry it's usually for one of several reasons: 1.) I am tired/frustrated and something overly emotional happened.  2.) I have been physically hurt.  3.) Something sad has happened or 4.) I have been embarrassed in some way.  These are the main reasons I cry, but every once in a blue moon, I am struck by something so wonderful that I process the emotion through tears and I break down, and that's what happened yesterday.  It was a beautiful sight.  Ha.

Anyways...Yesterday started out like any other Sunday.  Me trying to get a few extra minutes of sleep in, only to rush to church, only to remember that we never start on time.  My Sunday School class has been reading through The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis.  I find this book to contain some deep material and, even though I think I'm a pretty smart person, a lot of the material just went over my head prior to this class.  I wondered what I would learn from this book when I joined the class back in September.  To keep it brief, let's just say that I've been amazed at how pertinent the information is to my own life.  Some weeks I leave thinking, "Well, that's good general knowledge to have, I guess, " but most of the time, I have taken away some very important lessons.  We've covered everything from what it means to "become" a Christian to what qualities display outward signs that we are Christians, and from gluttony to marriage and relationships.  I've been making a few changes in my life, many of them small to this point, but they have all been inspired by the conviction I have felt while learning these lessons. 

Following the class, I usually head over to the main worship ceremony.  I'll skip over all the little details that I like about how Crossroads does it's worship, and just move on to the main part of yesterday.  We had been traveling our way through the book of Philippians, before our pastor and elders felt that we should be discussing other material.  So Philippians is on the back burner for the time being, and we've been discussing different things mainly relating to us being a light to the world.  This Sunday covered the story about the Good Samaritan.  Talk about a typical Sunday School story that you could recite in your sleep.  This Sunday lesson wasn't much different.  We talked about the traveler in the story being a "marginal" person, one on the outside, one who most of us would probably look over.  Again, pretty routine stuff.  For a few minutes, anyways.

As part of what we've been learning, we've been asked to be intentional in showing our "light" to others.  For the last week I have been lamenting the fact that I seem to have very few opportunities to go out of my way to be intentionally kind to others, and this sermon seemed to add some misery.  I didn't know any "marginal" people I could help, and I didn't think I was going to look for them.  Then, suddenly in the service, I was alert and focused.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I wasn't getting any opportunities to be kind because I wasn't looking for them, even though I had a huge opportunity in the form of my workplace!  I like a lot of my clients- the ones who think like I do and behave like I do.  But I have always had a problem with "the marginal."  The ones whose actions I didn't understand, who didn't seem to be living a life directed by God, or even common sense.  I tended to not do much more than the basic requirements when I was with these people.

I was, and still sometimes do, complain about all of the ridiculousness I put up with at work because of them.  But in that moment, I was able to see a clear opportunity staring me down: I might not be paying for any stays in an inn, I might not be bandaging any physical wounds, but I could go out of my way to be intentionally kind to everyone- to be a genuine smile, to be the calm spirit, to be a pair of listening ears.  This is where I can show kindness and love. It's not going to be easy, for sure, but it is a challenge I intend to meet.

Even for as cool as I thought this all was, the crying started when all the good stuff bubbled over just a few minutes later.  For some reason, the pastor felt compelled to share a story about a man saving a father and daughter from a burning car.  Not that the story wouldn't have been touching enough, but the main characters were three people in the church who I know to be exceptional men and women.  As I teared up a little over the amazing details of this story (a story for another day), the woman beside me, a person I don't know, decided to be comforting and put her arm around me.  Now, people my age seem to be remiss to share "mushy" feelings with others their age, but she leaned over anyways and said, "I can't let you leave today without telling you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made."  Here's where I lost it for real, because for a good portion of my time at work over the last month, I have been wondering why I was even here.  In my mind, I wasn't as smart as one, as kind as another, not as analytical as I could be.  But here I was, with a total stranger speaking words that had to have come from God, telling me that even when I don't feel like it, I do possess the special gifts that allow me to not only operate successfully in my current capacity at WIC, but also to be a person with a purpose in my day-to-day life. 

If this were a one-time occasion, I'd probably be happy.  I'd be spiritually full for a long time.  But this isn't an unusual occurrence (save tears) since I've been at Crossroads.  Long before I moved down here, I prayed that I would find out where I needed to go in life.  South Carolina seemed like the place to me and I always said it was because I liked the scenery, I liked the weather, just because, etc.  But today, even with the work experience I've gained and the new friendships I've made, I would say with certainty that one of the reasons everything has aligned to bring me to Summerville, SC was so that I would be brought to Crossroads- to meet some incredible people at an incredible place in history.  I've been trying to finish this paragraph for the last half an hour now, and it's ridiculously hard to find the words to describe the depths of my feelings for this place. 

Enough mushy time!  I'm probably breaking rules by writing this at work, but this is my time waster in between clients.  I probably need to be dry-eyed when my co-worker comes around with my chart, so I'm going to take this chance to say adios, before I get happy tears again.  Have a wonderful day!

Conflicted

Conflicted- adj.- confused or ambivalent because of competing desires, possibilities, or impulses.

Friday morning, I received two texts with pictures of single digits on a temperature gauge, one picture of an icy drive to work, and a picture of my dad all bundled up for work.  Honestly, with each text/picture message, I felt a slight twinge of jealousy.  I imagined being back in Ohio.  If I was at home, I would love nothing more than to be curled up on the couch with a warm blanket, Kitty as a foot warmer, and a good book.  I would glance up every once in awhile and see the blowing snow and sigh contentedly, reveling in the warmth of my house.  If I was heading to work, I'd be wrapped up in my warm winter coat, taking on the challenges of driving in snowy conditions.  After a determined drive in, I'd be proud of myself for navigating over the hilly roadside.  I'd love it.

But I was conflicted...as soon as I thought about how nice it would be to have snow again, I thought about the warmth that we've had down here the last few weeks.  Going outside in mild temperatures, feeling the sun on my face, enjoying the fresh air drifting through my open apartment windows...definitely no Seasonal Affective Disorder here.  I have a distinct memory of sitting in the Schrank South computer lab at UA, realizing that my mood had improved greatly just by looking at pictures of sunny South Carolina.  This is why I moved down here, and I love it.

Last night and today, I have been talking with a few of my friends from Ohio, as well as my mom and my aunts.  With each conversation, I thought about how much I missed being near them, and being able to talk face to face, rather than communicating via Facebook, text, and brief phone conversations.

But I was conflicted.  You see, today I got to spend time at a budgeting seminar at church.  Whoa, you say.  Stop having so much fun Kate!  But actually, I did have a good time.  I was fortunate to be able to see Tracy, the education minister who has been leading an awesome study of The Screwtape Letters with my Young Adult class.  I got to sit with Kim, someone I've known only a few months, but who I've come to know as a great person that I enjoy being around.  As much as I was boo-hooing the fact that I wasn't in Ohio, I couldn't help but think about all the great people I wouldn't know, and all the great learning experiences I would have missed by living down here.

WIC is under USDA in terms of government hierarchy.  Recently, they came up with a few new mandates that basically create longer, less desirable working hours without any type of compensation for the extra time we'd be spending in the wonderful world of WIC.  Now, in reality, we all still have jobs and we don't have it all that bad, but still, no one likes these kinds of changes.  In the initial moment of shock, we all made statements about "looking around" for other jobs.

I don't even know why I'm putting this in here.  I'm not really conflicted here.  I need a job and this one pays enough to cover the bills and whatnot.  I guess I'm putting it down in the blog because we talked about how hard it would be to leave, knowing that it would be hard to find any other jobs that offer a decent number of holidays, paid vacation days, and sick days, making it hard to decide to leave.  By Monday, the shock will have worn off, but hang around until Saturday, April 21st.  We're going to be on Day 6 of that work week, and I'm sure we'll be less than cordial to each other or our co-workers.  But, c'est la vie, right?

Anyways, my next conflicting moment is fast approaching: Should I clean the apartment, or sit here, enjoying the sound and smell of rain, while watching some Community.  (Sometimes it makes me wish I was at Wayne again!)

Bathroom

Bathroom- noun- a room containing a bathtub or a shower and usually also a washbasin and toilet.

I got to my door today to find a postcard tucked in between the doorknob and the frame.  It contained an exciting message: "I will be by tomorrow to complete repairs to your ceiling."  I let out an audible cry of: "Yes!" and did a little happy dance, considering this to be the best part of my day.  Who knew a 3.5x5 piece of card stock could be so exciting.

This time last week, I was making my triumphant return to Summerville.  Triumphant for the fact that I had made it 681 miles with no problems other than a little snow in Ohio.  As I relished in the 60+ degree temperatures and the waning sunlight, I happily unloaded my car.  Deciding to be even more productive, I began unloading all my bags that second.  The first bag I grabbed was my "bathroom" bag.

Singing a happy little song, I took two steps into the bathroom before my foot hit the rug.  There are a lot of sounds you don't want to hear, and one of them is "squish."  That, however, was the exact sound that I heard.  Coupled with the cold, wet feeling under my foot, I began to panic.  Sure enough, I looked down and saw the water all over the floor.

Panic set in as I looked at the toilet first (nothing is worse than sewage!).  My next thought was even more disturbing, as another possibility was burst pipes.  I scrambled through all the closets and drawers trying to find the source of the leak.  Everything was dry as could be.  Maybe the tub was leaking and overflowed?  To my horror, the tub had several inches of standing water.  What had I done?  Did I leave the water running for some bizarre reason before I left?

Closer investigation revealed nothing dripping from the faucet.  Something made me look up, and that's when I noticed it: A foot long crack in the ceiling, sheet rock sagging, and a clear view through the sub-floor of the apartment.  To make matters worse, twenty minutes later as I waited for the maintenance man, water started pouring through a previously solid part of my ceiling.

Kudos to Robert, who came over to my apartment with his trusty ladder and what I believe was a band saw. One 12x12 hole, one 8x11 hole, and a little tiny poke into the ceiling later (which released more water, which landed on his head), he determined that my bathroom ceiling was a victim of a tub leak in the upstairs apartment.

Tomorrow is the day though, new ceiling and/or new patches to ceiling.  After that, I am bleaching the crap out of that room.  I'm guessing there has to be mold spores somewhere, and in response to whoever said, "At least tub water is better than toilet water":  You're mostly correct, but water coming from someone else's bathroom is still water from someone else's bathroom and it has contaminated mine.  (And that is how I will spend part of my three-day weekend).

Well, I am eagerly awaiting a chance to have someone look at my car and determine why it sounds like eighty-bajillion (real word) crickets are living inside, so I must go.  Have a happy Monday!

Aggravation

Aggravation- noun- an exasperated feeling of annoyance.

Earlier this week I was telling a few people that since I've returned to South Carolina, this week has been a compilation of hilariously disastrous events.  All week, I've been trying to put a name to what I've been feeling, and tonight I finally realized that term is : aggravated!!

What do I have to be aggravated about?  Nothing, really, but when one has a blog, it is one's duty to pontificate on meaningless drivel.  (Hey, you choose to read!)  So here goes:

My car.  I hate cars.  The only reason I have one is because...I have to.  I know I'm overly paranoid about all things cars, but my car keeps coming up with new problems to throw my way.  I've had this car for six months.  It's aggravating.

My job (for this week only!).  There is a reason there are limits for appointments at a doctor's office, reservations at a restaurant, and seats at a stadium.  IF you let anyone show up at any time, there are bound to be problems.  This week, this rule of thumb has gone out the window and there are no limits.  It's aggravating.

My lack of thought process.  I really needed a new filter for my furnace, and while I was choosing one at the store, I noticed some inexpensive scented air fresheners that attach to said filter.  I was excited, because this would help keep my home smelling fresh!!! Well, that would be the case, if there was a need or reason to run said furnace. I've only run my furnace twice in three months due to incredibly mild temperatures, rendering the air freshener ineffective until it cools down again or the AC needs to start up again. I hate it when I don't think about all the possibilities.  It's aggravating.

My neighbors.  After sitting in their car with their bright lights shining into my patio window, they start arguing over dumb things, like who ate more pizza that night.  Normally it's amusing, but not this week.  It's aggravating.

Well, now that I'm done pontificating, I need to go finish my to-do list, which includes working on my budget. THAT'S aggravating!  Happy Thursday everyone!